VDay: The Rampage
by Pop Ferret
Summary: See what happens to the LoD cast when the Ferret looses control as a result of WAY too much Valentine's Day festivities around her.


Disclaimer: I don't own, or claim to own any of the LoD characters, ect ect, they are not my creations, and therefore, not mine. I do not own Freefall either, she is her own person, and has consented to be a part of this ridiculous endeavor.  
  
Author's Note: My first attempt at LoD fanfiction, and comedy at that, please, I beg of you gentle readers, be kind...but honest?  
  
Anti-Valentine's Day Rampage  
  
Miranda: How very typical. Anit-social, anti-holiday, it's to be expected. Ferret: You're replacable you know. I don't need you. Miranda: I cease to complain. Dart: As long as I don't get stuck with -that- ~jabs a finger towards Miranda~ I'm game. Ferret: Oh yes, yes you would be. But Dart, dear Dart, you forget, the Ferret does not write sappy romance stories. Loyd: No, the Ferret writes horribly twisted, over dramatic stories filled with chapter upon chapter of tragedy and bloodshed. All: ~Glare at Loyd, except for Ferret who promptly latches onto one of his arms and hisses at any who dare come near.~ Ferret: Back! Back wretchedly happy creatures! Back or face the wrath of... Fifi: The wrath of what? You? Oh please, look, I quiver in fear. Ferret: Okay that's it! You have pushed the Ferret too far and now you must pay! Say farewell to your precious Jades! ~cackles evily and poofs~ Dart: ~blinks slowly and shudders~ I -hate- it when she does that.  
  
Well, they had gone and done it, they had, angered the Ferret far beyond what they should have. You see, she would have been willing to give everyone the sappy romance, tragic romance of course, that they wanted, but nooo, they just had to push matters, and now, now they had to suffer. Nevermind the fact that the mere existence of Lavitz denied all reasonable explanation, afterall, he was -dead-. Or the fact that Loyd had somehow survived as well..but Loyd was the personal "huggie" of the author, and therefore granted life by the power of author magic. But, getting ahead of the story, Loyd doesn't come in yet, net yet, nope. They had gathered in Seles, where everything had started really, where Shana had been kidnapped from, and where she and Dart had returned to when all was said and done. Of course, some had deigned -not- to come, but that was to be expected.  
  
"I love snow!" crooned the ever present annoyance that was Meru, earning her a distasteful look from Miranda, who looked like she was absolutely freezing in her skimpy little dress, why wasn't Meru freezing to death? It would have done -everyone- a favor. Kongol was in hiding, somewhere, though how something that big hid was anyone's guess, and the old man, Hastchel, or however his name was spelled was off frightening young women in the village. Dart and Shana were hanging all over each other, and...  
  
Dart: Hold it. I do -not- hang all over anyone. No one. Ferret, I'm warning you, if you keep this up I'll... Ferret: ~smirking while Loyd hovers in the background~ You'll what? Die a horrible and painful death? Yep, you can count on that. you just might anyway. I'm in one of those kill everyone moods. Now, shut up and let me get back to the story.  
  
and everyone else was looking a little sick, except perhaps Meru and Albert, but everyone had ideas about Albert anyway, afterall the Jade's were definitely cursed. Then of course, you had the author, who had used the almighty power of author magic to poof herself into the story, and was lounging against a wall of a nearby building glaring murderously at the two lovebirds, and then towards the -other- fanfiction author she had poofed into the story, Freefall, who was busy glomping on Albert and Lavitz alternately.  
  
"This is so utterly disgusting. Please tell me why I'm writing this. Anyone? I mean, seriously, I have better things to do then watch a couple of idiots suck face, and listen to even more idiots wander about aimlessly because their so called leader is too busy sucking face with the little weakling Moon Child to pay any attention to them."  
  
They froze, each and every one of them, and turned slowly to regard her with a very cold expression, "Well," Shana began, only to be cut off by an even more murderous glare.  
  
"Don't you well me you little sissy. If it hadn't been for you none of this would have happened in the first place, you do realize that don't you? Look at all the people that have had to -die- because you were too damned weak to defend yourself," Ferret huffed, flicking her gaze from one to the other, "And don't you even think about going Dragoon on me, because I could -still- kick all your asses."  
  
Tense silence fell, and then, suddenly, she whirled about on Freefall and the two Jades, "And -you-" she hissed, "Always moping and whining 'They killed Lavitz'. you know what?! He's -still- dead! Poof, begone, and take that other miserable excuse for a Dragoon with you!"  
  
And poof, the two were gone, leaving Fifi to topple over in the snow. Meru's eyes widened. Oh hell, she knew she was next, "And you, miss high and mighty Wingly dancer. I can't stand your annoying personality. So poof, off with you as well."  
  
And poof, Meru was gone as well, leaving a half built snowman to topple over. This left Miranda, Shana, Dart, and of course, Fifi well within her sights, "Now let's see let's see, who's next? Who do I find the most sickening, the most annoying of all of you? Well that's simple...yes, I think it is," her eyes zeroed in on Shana who eeped and tried to hide behind Dart. Ferret cackled evily, very evily and sashayed off through the snow, "I think I'll leave you until later. I've got things to do."  
  
"She scares me," Shana muttered, glomping onto Dart. Freefall sobbed in the background, begging for her Lavitz back, to which an eerie, evil voice replied in a nasty, evil little cackle, "She's even worse than Lenus, and Loyd, and..and..and everything."  
  
Dart cuddled...  
  
Dart: I do -not- cuddle! Ferret: ~glares merderously left eye twitching. Somewhere in the background Loyd hovers near, staring eagerly at Dart, oh to kill to kill~ Hell with it. Loyd, dearest, kill 'em. Not like I need -him- for my pointless rambling rampage. Loyd: ~cackles in evil glee and zooms in. Poor Dart never stood a chance. Hack, slash, slice, in pieces does the blonde haired Dragoon lie.  
  
Shana eeps as she topples over, and then screams at the sudden sight of Dart's mangled dismembered body, "Oh my God! You killed Dart! You you..you evil witch!"  
  
"Honey, you have it all wrong, I didn't kill him. Loyd did. But if you feel the need to be with him and glomp on him so badly, then I'm sure I can arrange another meeting for you," the Ferret's eyes glittered dangerously. Oh yes, yes you little whimp, mouth off again, just one more time, so you can be eaten by something, or hacked apart, or -something-.  
  
Shana gulps and starts backing away, slowly, and then at a full on run. Too late. Poof, she's gone as well, off to join Lavitz, Albert, and Meru in whatever evil, dark dimension the Ferret banished them to. Without a second thought, poof, there go the other three Dragoons, leaving poor Fifi to wonder forever where her Lavitz was banished too. Poof, and there's Loyd, smiling like the cat that got the cream.  
  
"I do so love your little rampages, even when they're so short. I almost feel sorry for her though," he jerks his head towards Fifi, "But I'm sure she'll live...somehow. Shall we?" he offered her an arm.  
  
Ferret grinned still more evily and linked her arm through his, "Oh let's. I'm sure there's lots more happy couples we can maim. What a truly pathetic holiday this is, merely here so sickening couples can glomp all over each other and make the rest of us sick. We do the world a favor I think."  
  
And he of course, agreed, for fear of getting banished again. Things did not go well for those who brought forth the wrath of the Ferret, and he had witnessed that first hand. So, smiling evily the happy pair waltzed off to wreak more havok on poor Seles and anihilate more happy couples, or potential couples.  
  
Loyd: Now you see, she -is- capable of a happy ending. Fifi: ~sniffles~ Only happy for you you psycho. I want my Lavitz back! Ferret: Never! ~cackles evily and eeps when Loyd glomps onto her~ No more Lavitz, he's gone forever! Down with sickening happy couples, down with this stupid holiday for them to fawn all over each other in public! I am the Ferret and I have spoken! No more Lavitz! And no more stupid video game romances! 


End file.
